Why I’m Seeing Double for my Double Nickle

I‘ve never been one to be subtle about birthdays and this year is no exception.  And, as far as birthdays go, this particular milestone is noteable- a graduation of sorts; like crossing the bridge from elementary to middle school- no longer a lithe young 50 year old, but only half way to 60- what, dear hearts, could provide a better excuse to celebrate!  Middle school, as I recall, was tons of fun!  

On the way to Middle School

When I was in the fourth grade I was moved from my neighborhood grade school to one a few miles away.  This wasn’t due to integration, it was an “opportunity” of sorts- a chance to test my intellect and resilience, in an accelerated learning program, and as it turns out, it certainly did.  

My fourth grade (and unfortunately fifth grade) teacher was a Paul Bunyanesque woman named Mrs Meyers (I don’t think she had a first name).   Mrs Meyers ran her classroom like a prison camp.  

Ahhh, gone were the carefree days of third grade arts & crafts, hot lunch and leisurely recess… Without knowing, I’d left my innocence on the front steps of Hale Cook School.   In the hot upstairs classroom of Mrs Meyers, at least once a week, I was called out in class for day dreaming,(“Is someone not with us”, Mrs Meyers would bellow in my direction),  or shrink as my name was imprinted on the chalk board- the ultimate form of unwanted celebrity- a celebrity who, my name shouted, was behind in her studies.

Thankfully I was not always alone.  There were a few other supposed slackers in class – there another girl actually (which wasn’t the norm); a girl whose name was Laurie.

At first we may have been suspicious of one another- suspect of what, I am sure we didn’t know at that point- and it would be years before she would forsake her other BFF, Alicia, but as time wore on, our shared perspective on work and play and the world in general opened the door for a friendship that is now in it’s forty fourth year.

The beginning of something big

We’ve been friends so long we’ve started to look alike- in fact, most folks mistake us for sisters.  And I guess, in one sense, we are. She did her first “operation” in my upstairs bathroom, sticking a sewing needle into a potato behind my frozen earlobe- a surgery that so scarred me, that for years, I only had one ear pierced.  

Since then, we’ve been in each other’s weddings and cried with each other through our divorces; taken care of our Mothers and buried our Fathers. We’ve hiked mountains and floated rivers and survived camping together.

It didn’t matter that I got married early and had three sons while she was going to medical school to become a Cancer doc; we never lost track of one another for very long, and when we did, meeting after some long hiatus, it was as if no time had passed at all.  It was just Tina and Laurie, present and accounted for. 

Another year older, and wiser?

This week my friend and I turned fifty five.  Yes!  I said fifty five!  I am not as surprised as I am amazed- not to be this age, but to be so horribly disrespectful of it!  It seems the older we are getting, the younger we are acting, which, I guess, all things considered, isn’t such a bad deal, except occasionally for our other friends and family.

This week I was fortunate enough to be able to visit Laurie in her home town of Pasco, Washington for our birthdays.  

She was born on July 13th and I on the 18th…  (I love to remind Laurie, that she is older than me).  Pasco is part of the tri-cities area in southeastern Washington, an region known for it’s agriculture,wineries, arid Summers and big sky.  

I loved sitting out on Laurie’s back patio, the hot wind cooling me, looking out past her fabulous pool at the Columbia River.  Sea gulls, pelicans and pedestrians dot the landscape; free entertainment for a lazy tourist.

Her moving here has given me a new place in the world to love; the people here are as lovely and surprising to me as the landscape.  I have never been met by more warm and welcoming strangers- now dear friends.  

That is, of course, due to the fact that I am, in a way, Laurie’s twin and they love her so much. That’s why, each year when I arrive, I immediately start trying to figure out how to stay longer. 

Chosen Family

Some of you may know that I am adopted.  

The fact that I don’t know where I come from or ever had the opportunity to see my birth parents as a child does make a difference.  It’s kind of like having your portrait painted on glass.  No matter how fabulous the artwork, the background is still incomplete; there’s something missing.  

While I can understand that it was a different time and place when my birth Mother gave me up, I disagree that the details of my birth and circumstance are legally withheld from me.  Isn’t it a birthright to know your story- even if the identities of the birth parents remain private?  

When I found my birth mother through an intermediary (the only legal way to do it in the state of Missouri), I was told she wanted “no more contact”– despite the fact that I wrote to her and asked only to know her side of things.  I guess even that was just too much to ask.

The reality is that’s life.  You don’t always get what you want, and it doesn’t always seem fair. But on my fifty-fifth birthday, as I look around the table surrounded by people who know me and love me, I realize that family means all kinds of things.  

Thank you sister

It means listening without judgement, and showing up when needed without question.

It means forgiveness and acceptance and staying connected even when it’s difficult.  

It means sharing your strengths as well as your vulnerabilities and telling the truth about yourself and to others even when it’s hard.  

It means accepting the many gifts you are given without reservation and sharing all that you can give.  

It also means maintaining your curiosity and a strong sense of humor. 

So, thank you to you Dr Laurie for being all of these things to me:  friend, sister, family, cheerleader, caregiver, and, occasionally, my accountability police.  

I love you and thank God for our time together on Earth.  

Happy Birthday,  You, my friend, are the real deal.

t