One of the many blessings of doing what I do for a living is getting to meet some absolutely wonderful people.

Even though we may not spend much time together outside our sessions together, the relationships developed in those once weekly 50 minute meetings often have a lasting and profound benefit for both trainer and client.

Brenda entered my world when she became a client in my group classes at Pilates 1901.  I was immediately drawn to her – she stood out in class simply because she enjoyed herself so much. 

She was the one you look at for a smile or acknowledgement in a class to make sure the group was with you.  Without meaning to, Brenda just naturally became my class ambassador of sorts; her quiet but welcoming demeanor made new clients immediately feel at home.  Good for them. Good for me, too!

Once I got to know Brenda better, it just figured that her nurturing personality would suit her to be a caretaker- and a caretaker she was.  She worked as a plant care specialist in the corporate setting and it wasn’t long before she offered her services to my fledging plant life in the studio.

In return she would not accept payment but wanted to brush up on her Pilate’s technique by trading for sessions.  By this time I would have had it no other way.

In our sessions I earned that Brenda had two children, a daughter named Janeane and a son named Sam, both of whom she adored.  I learned that she was married to Geoff and that they liked to have fun and travel and be active together.  I also learned that she had an ornery sense of humor and loving heart and appreciated the simple blessings of every day life.

When Brenda was struggling with the challenges of caring for her aging Mother, she asked for my help knowing that I had been through many of the same issues she was facing.  When she wanted to lose weight she joined my fat loss program and convinced her husband Geoff to embrace the lifestyle and new recipes she was trying.

And when she told me she had lung cancer, she accepted my embrace and my tears because she was graceful enough to hold my pain for a moment too.  That was Brenda.

Over the next several months as I watched Brenda’s determination I was amazed and humbled. She kept her regular appointments with me even on the days when she wasn’t feeling good, or after she’d had a bad news about her treatment, or was going crazy with frustration with the pace of medical maze she was expected to navigate.

After a particularly disappointing trip to St Louis where she was told they’d forgotten to call her to tell her she wasn’t accepted in the program trial after all, she shouted,  “I just want to scream, this is my life people! This is MY LIFE! Why can’t you get your act together?”  She didn’t cry but I did.

Despite her challenges Brenda persevered.

She was able to fly to France for her daughter’s wedding; an event that brought her incredible joy and pleasure. And when her son returned to the family after being absent for a time, Brenda was simply elated.

A few weeks ago Brenda was literally beaming when she came to her session.  I was sure she’d had a good report, but when asked, she explained instead that she’d just been baptized that past weekend and was so grateful for feeling happy and at peace.

Two weeks ago I got a text early on a Monday morning from Brenda that she wasn’t going to come today, that she’d had chest pains the night before and was too tired to come.

That concerned me because it was not like Brenda to cancel.  She’d been showing up with her oxygen tank to take care of my plants and do her workouts for months without fail – in fact the only time she missed was when one or the other of us was traveling.

I texted her a couple of days later and didn’t hear back until Thursday when Geoff called me to let me know that Brenda was in the Intensive Care Unit and was probably not going to make it.  He said it was her desire to go home and spend time with her family and that he would keep me posted.

Brenda got home on Friday and I was able to visit with her at home.

Although Hospice had told the family that it was a matter of hours or days, Brenda was sitting up in bed and nearly jumped out of it when I walked into her room.  She hugged me tight and asked me to bring her family some healthy food- too much Shepherd’s pie and casseroles for her taste.

I promised I would and brought her a spinach salad and fresh peaches the next day.  She was tired but still talkative and asked me to forgive her for missing her plants and session.

True to form, Brenda was concerned about everyone else.

On Wednesday Geoff called to say she’d taken a turn for the worse. I asked if I could drop off a card that everyone at the studio had signed, not expecting to see her when I did.   The house was full of friends and family when arrived and they urged me to go back and see her.

When I went back, her daughter Janeane was sitting quietly beside her.  My heart broke a little because I have been that daughter sitting with her Mother at that time.  I didn’t want to intrude but I was amazed by what I saw.  Brenda bounced up to greet me, restless and tired, but still so full of joy.

I asked her to rest—to which she laughed and replied, “Well you know, I’m a fidgety person!”  I sat on the bed beside her and gave her a long hard hug- and she hugged me so hard back.

I was simply struck down by the brilliance of her spirit – her resiliency and will to love, even in her last hours. 

As I was driving away from that visit,  I remembered something that Brenda had said to me a week or so before. “Tina, I don’t think you understand how precious life is- how the simplest things, the things that we take for granted become so valuable when they’re gone.  Like being able to travel; to be able to walk into a Royals game, to know that you’re going to be around to see your grandchildren.  I just want to shake people, you know, to tell them to wake up!”

I ‘m pretty sure I said something stupid in response and then realizing how hollow it sounded, apologized for it.  She smiled, paused for a split second and hugged me, of course.

When I woke up the next morning, Brenda was gone. 

I lay my bed angry at God for taking Brenda; Brenda who had never smoked, who was gentle as rain and joyful by nature; Brenda who wanted nothing more than to love people and see her kids grow up. That’s who you decide gets lung cancer God-  REALLY??? I had prayed for a miracle for my friend and I felt hurt and betrayed that my prayer had gone unheard.

And then I heard a voice say clear as day, “You got your miracle. Pay attention.”    

I’m not sure if who I heard was Brenda, but in her honor, I will pay attention.  I’ll pay a lot more attention.

Thank you friend.  I love you as you loved so many others and we will all miss you.

In lieu of flowers, Brenda’s family has asked that you donate to the Free to Breath Run/Walk team that Brenda was to be a part of.

This organization works to raise money for lung cancer research and patient resources.  Just click on the Donate Button and type in Brenda Lage to honor her.